


The Confusion of Having Daughters

by Illusinia



Series: Darcy Stark Series [21]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: #fatherproblems, But whatever, F/M, Tony is being a father, and Loki is asking for advice, neither man should probably be a dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-10 00:33:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2004027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illusinia/pseuds/Illusinia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony gets a very unexpected visitor asking for advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Confusion of Having Daughters

**Author's Note:**

> So, for those of you who were curious (if anyone was), here's the conversation Tony mentions at the end of Steve's Strange Love Life as Witnessed by Darcy Lewis (Stark).

“I have been told you are one to ask about matters concerning one's daughters.”

 

The smooth voice that cut through the room startled Tony enough that he spit out the mouth-full of fine scotch he'd just been about to swallow. So instead of enjoying the smooth burn and peaty flavor, the expensive liquid ended up a rather unflattering addition to the wall of his lab. Well, Pepper wasn't going to be happy about that.

 

Turning to face his surprise visitor, Tony was semi-floored to find Loki standing behind him. The man didn't look threatening though; he looked concerned, contemplative, and a bit lost. It was so radically different from the last time Tony saw the mad god, he almost did a double check to make sure it was actually _Loki_ standing in front of him.

 

“Well? Is this true?”

 

Tony blinked at Loki once. What had he asked again? “Is what true?”

 

“Are you an expert on handling one's daughter,” repeated Loki, irritation and impatience leaking into his voice.

 

“I wouldn't say I handle my daughter,” replied Tony, shrugging a bit and setting the empty glass aside. He was going to need it with the way this conversation was going; he couldn't be sure, but it sounded like Loki was about to ask him for parenting advice, which should probably worry everyone in the universe. Leaning on his desk, he waved his hand around a little as he spoke. “Darce pretty much handles herself at this point. Why?”

 

Signing, Loki approached the desk with the air of a man completely at a loss. He never sat though, choosing instead to take up a pacing habit that was probably going to drive Tony insane in minutes. “It seems my daughter has fallen under the charms of a mortal man.”

 

One of Tony's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Loki had reproduced? Did Thor know this? If he had, he hadn't mentioned it. Knowing Loki had a kid would have been a nice heads up. “You have a daughter?”

 

“Yes,” sighed Loki, pinching the bridge of his nose lightly. “Normally I relish this fact, but her recent interest in a mortal has placed me ill-at-ease and I do not know how to proceed.”

 

Tony winced in sympathy. Oh, he knew that feeling all too well. Pushing away from his desk, Tony made a split second decision and cut to his liquor cabinet. He pulled out his best bottle of rum and another glass before heading back towards where Loki was still pacing. Without a thought, he poured a glass and held it out to Loki as the god went to pass.

 

For a moment, Loki just stared at the glass as if it might break. Then quick fingers slipped it from Tony's hand and the genius watched as the glass was lifted into the light. “What is this strange liquid?”

 

“It's called rum,” replied Tony, pouring himself a glass as well. “It'll help warm the part of you that dies a little when your baby girl starts looking at other men like they're gods.”

 

“I am a god,” pointed out Loki, even as he sipped at the liquid. For a moment, he made a bit of a face but took another sip all the same. “She has taken interest in a mortal man. He is no god.”

 

“You can't tell me you don't feel a little betrayed inside,” stated Tony with a cocked eyebrow, voice knowing as he met Loki's eyes.

 

The god blinked back for a moment, then shrugged and looked away. He continued to sip at the amber liquid though, meaning he probably knew exactly what Tony meant. It wasn't fun feeling like your kid was replacing you with another man.

 

Tony could have teased Loki for having actual emotions; he was sorely tempted to. The one thing that stopped him were the memories of how he'd felt when he found out Darcy was dating. It hadn't been pleasant and Pepper was the only reason he'd remained sober and sane. Teasing Loki just didn't seem fair, not when he knew how painful what the god was facing could be. “So, what are you looking to do?”  
  


“Keep her as mine,” stated Loki simply, eyes finally rising back to Tony's. “She is my daughter, I wish to keep her as such.”

 

Sighing, Tony threw back his rum in one swallow before pouring himself another glass. Oh boy, he knew this stage all too well; according to Pepper, he still wasn't out of it. It was the middle stage of what Pepper called 'The Father's Grieving Process': possession. It was the longest lasting and hardest of the stages to break and someone like Loki was going to have a hell of a time letting this one go. “Okay, rule #1 in the 'Father's Guide to Dating' book: she's always gonna be your daughter. No guy is actually going to take her _away_ from you, but you are going to have to share her.”

 

“But she is _my_ daughter,” countered Loki efficiently. “Why should I have to share her?”

 

“Because she's growing up, Loki,” stated Tony simply. Casually as he could, he leaned on one of his worktables and shrugged. “It's part of being a dad: letting your kid go when she wants to fly away.”

 

“But I allowed her to transverse the expanses of the Nine Realms and did not object when she chose to take up residence on Midgard,” argued Loki, face falling in frustration as he too threw back the rest of the rum. “Why should I be forced to further relinquish her to the world?”

 

“Again, because it's what dad's have to do,” replied Tony, smirking a bit. “We get some power though. Rule #2 gives us the right to interrogate, intimidate, test, and verbally and psychologically threaten any guys trying to woo our baby girls away from us.”

 

“Does it now?” asked Loki, his face turning curious as he halted his incessant pacing on a turn and proceeded to approach Tony. “This book you continue to reference, where might I find a copy?”

 

“It's unwritten,” stated Tony with a shrug. “But every dad, no matter where you're from, has a few inalienable rights. We have the right to threaten the men trying to date our daughters, we have the right to beat the crap out of those men if they ever hurt our daughters, and we have the right to drop in unannounced to check on our daughters whenever we want.”

 

“Really,” hummed Loki, the beginnings of a grin breaking across his face. “So this courtship matter is not all bad?”  
  


“Nope,” assured Tony with an equally devious grin. “Plus, you always get to remind the guy who she looked up to first. You can't say it in front of her, but if it's just to the two of you? Feel free to remind him that she was your little girl before he was even interested in girls. Or, well, in your case probably before the guy was even born.” That actually brought up a good question, one Tony hadn't even considered. “How old is your kid, anyway?”

 

“Five hundred and twenty seven,” replied Loki with a wistful sigh. “Far too young to show such an interest in men. She should not even be considering men in any capacity beyond their injuries before she is a thousand.”

 

Tony had to laugh at that. Yeah, he definitely knew that feeling. “Trust me, we all feel that way. No dad is ever ready for their baby girl to start dating, but they're gonna do it anyway and we can't stop them. All we can do is hold them when the guy inevitably breaks their heart, beat the crap out of the guy later, and threaten the next one who shows up. And trust me, there's always a next one.”

 

Making a noise that might have been a groan, Loki snatched up the rum bottle and poured himself another glass. Tony just watched in amusement as the formerly mad god threw the amber liquid back much as Tony had earlier and set the glass delicately on the workshop bench. “This is troubling news, but news I must apparently accept all the same.”

 

“It's easier if you do,” admitted Tony, taking a large gulp of his own rum as the memories of his numerous fights with Darcy over Clint flooded back. “Just trust me, it's less of a headache. Definitely focus on the guy, he's fair game. Just don't hurt him and don't let her know you're targeting him.”

 

“I suspect this man is far harder to hurt than most mortals,” remarked Loki with an unhappy scowl. “But I shall take your advice in hand all the same, Man of Iron, and honor these 'rules' you speak of.”

 

Giving Loki a sympathetic look, Tony set his own glass down and stretched. “Look, if it helps, drop in if you've got questions or need a drink. I'm right there with you and am more than happy to share in your misery.”

 

For a moment, Loki looked confused and a bit weary. His eyes narrowed at Tony hard and he half wished he had one of his gauntlets at the moment, just in case Loki decided to try to throw him off a building again or something. Then the mischief-loving god nodded once and relaxed. “I may indeed take you up on that offer. Thank you.”

 

“No problem Loki,” assured Tony. “Us dads need to stick together, otherwise our kids will drive us all to an early grave.”

 

“Agreed,” sighed Loki, his eyes rising wistfully to the ceiling. “I do miss the days when I could simply appear and it would brighten her little face.”

 

“And she looked at you like you could move the world,” agreed Tony with a sigh and wistful smile of his own. “Those were the days.”

 

“Indeed.” Shaking his head a bit, Loki shifted saddened eyes back to Tony. “Again, I thank you for your council, Man of Iron. You are indeed skilled at handling the affairs of your child, though the fact that you have reproduced does striking a concerning cord. Especially that your child is as...intelligent as she appears to be, unless you were the one to create her small weapon of sound.”

 

“Nah, the bracelet/sonic cannon was all Darce,” assured Tony with a shake of his head. “I swear that kid's going to surpass me some day. Then again, most kids do.”

 

“My daughter has yet to surpass my skill in the magical arts,” objected Loki, though it was a touch bitter more than proud. The faint sigh that accompanied the words suggested there was a lot more to that story than Tony was getting. “Not that she has shown great interest- she would rather practice with herbs than learn the finer points of magic.”

 

“Yeah, I can image,” stated Tony, picking up his glass again and fidgeting with it. This was getting a bit awkward- he was starting to empathize with Loki for crying out loud! “When Darce announced she was more interested in motorcycles and power supplies than cars and robots, it hurt.”

 

“At least your daughter does share some interests though,” pointed out Loki, his voice wistful. “It was true that once I could amuse my daughter for hours on end teaching her the simplest of spells. Now she will hardly touch the subject of sorcery and it is only with great effort I can engage her in such conversations. She's become entranced with you mortal beings.” The last words were bitter, though it was a bitterness backed by deep sadness. Then again, the guy was loosing his daughter to what he considered a 'lower species'. Tony couldn't really blame the man for some of his resentment.

 

“I'm really hoping that isn't the reason you tried to enslave Earth,” remarked Tony mildly. “I'm pretty sure attempting to eliminate the source of your daughter's curiosity is a big no-no.”

 

“No where near my reasoning,” assured Loki dismissively. “I had not even spoken to her in several years- she was too busy with this 'university' you mortals have.”

 

“College is distracting,” agreed Tony with a sage nod. “Getting Darce on the phone for longer than ten minutes at a time was nearly impossible while she was in undergrad unless she called me. Oddly, her calls were never for money.”

 

One of Loki's eyebrows shot up in clear confusion. “Why would she call you for gold?”  
  


“Well, I am her dad and I am loaded,” pointed out Tony with a shrug. “I'm pretty sure Pepper was the one who handled her finances though. Not that, you know, the university didn't have her there on full scholarship or anything. All merit-based, mind you. I never even had to offer to buy a building to get her in.”

 

“You have lost me with your mortal ramblings,” remarked Loki dismissively, waving his hand a bit in a 'I don't really care' motion and turning towards the middle of the workshop where he'd appeared. “I have become bored with this exchange and, as I am needed elsewhere, intend to depart. I may return to take you up upon your offer of company and drink though. Indeed, you are as wise as your daughter did say, if only in matters concerning the raising of your young.”

 

“Uh, thanks?” tried Tony, scratching his head a bit. “You know, Pepper is really a better reference than I am for a lot of stuff. I just know the, you know, dating stuff.”

 

“The red-haired woman who assists you, correct?” questioned Loki, a contemplative look crossing his face. “You say she is better informed than you?”

 

“About everything but how to handle boyfriends,” corrected Tony quickly. If Loki popped in on Pepper without warning because of something he said, she'd have his head. “That's one of those things she left completely up to me.”

 

“Mm,” hummed Loki faintly, nodding slowly as he considered Tony's words. “Very well then. I shall take your advice on this matter and proceed instead to invoke, as you put it, the 'Father's Guide to Dating rules'.”

 

“Invoke away and have fun with it,” encouraged Tony, raising his empty glass to the god. “Just don't kill the guy unless he really screws up. She'll hate you forever if you do.”

 

“Of this I am well aware,” assured Loki with a slight shutter. “I greatly pity my other versions who have inadvertently murdered the mates of their daughters.”

 

“Other versions?” repeated Tony, his eyebrows rising sharply in concern. “Do I want to know what that means?”

 

“It is far outside of your purview of understanding, mortal,” dismissed Loki easily. “Do not concern yourself with those matters.” A smirk crossed Loki's face then, cunning in nature but with a gratitude Tony doubt the god knew he was revealing. “Though I will say, your knowledge does surprise me. If the others whom you surround yourself with, excluding my brother, are as wise as you, I may be forced to forfeit all of my exploits and join you instead.” Nodding once, he never gave Tony a chance to respond to his statement before he was disappearing into thin air. “Until we met again, Stark.”

 

Then Loki was gone and Tony was standing in his workshop, wondering if he'd just hallucinated the entire exchange. Except there was an empty rum glass beside him and about half his rum bottle was gone. And he definitely wasn't drunk enough to have drank all of it. Glancing around his lab, Tony assured himself that Loki was really gone before heading towards the doors. He and Darcy needed to have a talk about who she was allowed to direct to him for advice.

 

A long, long talk.


End file.
